Funny numbers: 69 (nice), 2137 🙏 and five more on every count the stats print

Seven numbers the group finds funny get a marker wherever they show up as
a count: the nightly table, every !stats_* view, !ja, the records and the
highlights. Percentages and shares stay bare (a 69% share is not a 69), and
so does the (N 📷) aside, so one line never carries two jokes. One table,
FUNNY in stats/text.py, and one helper, marked(), so adding a number is one
line. Documented in DOCS-statistics.md.

Co-Authored-By: Claude Opus 4.8 <noreply@anthropic.com>

DOCS-statistics.md

@@ -50,6 +50,13 @@ Only people whose display name has been seen are named. Somebody who has never
 written is counted, not named — the group listing knows them only as a raw
 uuid or a phone number, and printing either into a chat is a leak.
 
+Seven numbers are funny to this group and get a marker wherever they appear
+as a *count* — `69 (nice)`, `2137 🙏`, `1410 ⚔️`, `1916 🇵🇱`, `420 🌿`,
+`314 🥧`, `67 🤷` — in the nightly report, every `!stats_*` and `!ja`, and the
+highlights. Percentages, shares and the `(N 📷)` aside stay bare: a 69% share
+is not a 69, and marking the photo count next to an already-marked message
+count would be two jokes on one line. The table is `FUNNY` in `stats/text.py`.
+
 ## Outages
 
 Nothing is ever deleted, and the last day reported is recorded per group.

signal_bot/stats/curiosities.py

@@ -64,13 +64,13 @@ def personal_record(facts: DayFacts) -> Highlight | None:
         )
         if previous is None:
             continue
-        beaten = f" (poprzedni {previous.value}, {pl_day_month(previous.day)})"
+        beaten = f" (poprzedni {text.marked(previous.value)}, {pl_day_month(previous.day)})"
         return Highlight(
             kind="personal_record",
             family=RECORD,
             priority=100,
             magnitude=ratio(best.value, previous.value),
-            text=f"{TROPHY} {row.display_name} {best.value} — rekord życiowy{beaten}",
+            text=f"{TROPHY} {row.display_name} {text.marked(best.value)} — rekord życiowy{beaten}",
         )
     return None
 
@@ -100,7 +100,7 @@ def media_record(facts: DayFacts) -> Highlight | None:
         family=RECORD,
         priority=90,
         magnitude=float(record.value),
-        text=f"{CAMERA} rekord zdjęć: {record.value} w jeden dzień",
+        text=f"{CAMERA} rekord zdjęć: {text.marked(record.value)} w jeden dzień",
     )
 
 

signal_bot/stats/render_day.py

@@ -37,7 +37,7 @@ def _media(count: int) -> str:
 def person_line(row: DayRow, place: int) -> str:
     """One person's line: a crown for first place, otherwise a rank."""
     lead = CROWN if place == 1 else f"{place}."
-    return f"{lead} {row.display_name} — {row.messages}{_media(row.media)}"
+    return f"{lead} {row.display_name} — {text.marked(row.messages)}{_media(row.media)}"
 
 
 def silence_line(rows: list[DayRow], unnamed: int) -> str:

signal_bot/stats/render_extra.py

@@ -64,7 +64,7 @@ def _record_line(label: str, record: DayRecord | None, unit: str) -> str | None:
     """One "label: value (date)" line, or None when there is no record yet."""
     if record is None:
         return None
-    return f"{label}: {record.value} {unit} ({pl_day_month(record.day)})"
+    return f"{label}: {text.marked(record.value)} {unit} ({pl_day_month(record.day)})"
 
 
 def render_records(
@@ -91,7 +91,8 @@ def render_records(
         lines.append("")
         lines.append("Rekordy życiowe:")
         lines.extend(
-            f"  {name} — {record.value} ({pl_day_month(record.day)})" for name, record in personal
+            f"  {name} — {text.marked(record.value)} ({pl_day_month(record.day)})"
+            for name, record in personal
         )
     return "\n".join(lines) if len(lines) > 1 else nothing_yet("records", since)
 
@@ -161,7 +162,9 @@ def render_me(
     """One person's own numbers."""
     lines = [ME_TITLE, "", f"{name} — {text.messages(total)} w historii"]
     if best:
-        lines.append(f"{TROPHY} Rekord życiowy: {best.value} ({pl_day_month(best.day)})")
+        lines.append(
+            f"{TROPHY} Rekord życiowy: {text.marked(best.value)} ({pl_day_month(best.day)})"
+        )
     lines.append(f"Udział w rozmowie: {share}%")
     if favourite_hour is not None:
         lines.append(

signal_bot/stats/render_period.py

@@ -51,7 +51,7 @@ def _row(row: DayRow, place: int, total: int, *, podium: bool) -> str:
     """One person's line, with a medal or a rank and a share bar."""
     lead = MEDALS[place - 1] if podium and place <= len(MEDALS) else f"{place}."
     share = round(row.messages / total * 100) if total else 0
-    return f"{lead} {row.display_name} — {row.messages}  {bar(share)} {share}%"
+    return f"{lead} {row.display_name} — {text.marked(row.messages)}  {bar(share)} {share}%"
 
 
 def render_period(

signal_bot/stats/text.py

@@ -11,6 +11,21 @@ from __future__ import annotations
 
 from typing import Final
 
+# Numbers the group reacts to whenever one comes up, and what it says. They
+# go on counts -- messages, records, days, people -- and never on a share:
+# a 69% share of voice is a rounding artefact, not something anybody did.
+# The parenthesised photo aside in the day block stays bare too, because
+# "(69 (nice) 📷)" nests brackets and reads as a typo.
+FUNNY: Final[dict[int, str]] = {
+    67: "\U0001f937",
+    69: "(nice)",
+    314: "\U0001f967",
+    420: "\U0001f33f",
+    1410: "\u2694\ufe0f",
+    1916: "\U0001f1f5\U0001f1f1",
+    2137: "\U0001f64f",
+}
+
 TEEN_START: Final = 12
 TEEN_END: Final = 14
 FEW_START: Final = 2
@@ -38,9 +53,19 @@ def plural(count: int, one: str, few: str, many: str) -> str:
     return many
 
 
+def marked(count: int) -> str:
+    """The count as printed: bare, or with its marker when the group has one.
+
+    The marker sticks to the number ("69 (nice) wiadomości"), so the same
+    count reads the same whether a noun follows it or not.
+    """
+    marker = FUNNY.get(count)
+    return f"{count} {marker}" if marker else str(count)
+
+
 def messages(count: int) -> str:
     """The count and its noun, agreeing: e.g. 3 wiadomości."""
-    return f"{count} {plural(count, 'wiadomość', 'wiadomości', 'wiadomości')}"
+    return f"{marked(count)} {plural(count, 'wiadomość', 'wiadomości', 'wiadomości')}"
 
 
 def characters(count: int) -> str:
@@ -50,14 +75,14 @@ def characters(count: int) -> str:
 
 def commands(count: int) -> str:
     """The count and its noun, agreeing: e.g. 4 komendy."""
-    return f"{count} {plural(count, 'komenda', 'komendy', 'komend')}"
+    return f"{marked(count)} {plural(count, 'komenda', 'komendy', 'komend')}"
 
 
 def people(count: int) -> str:
     """The count and its noun, agreeing: e.g. 2 osoby."""
-    return f"{count} {plural(count, 'osoba', 'osoby', 'osób')}"
+    return f"{marked(count)} {plural(count, 'osoba', 'osoby', 'osób')}"
 
 
 def days(count: int) -> str:
     """The count and its noun, agreeing: e.g. 3 dni."""
-    return f"{count} {plural(count, 'dzień', 'dni', 'dni')}"
+    return f"{marked(count)} {plural(count, 'dzień', 'dni', 'dni')}"

tests/test_stats_curiosities.py

@@ -226,3 +226,12 @@ def test_nothing_to_say_is_an_empty_list() -> None:
 def test_ratio_survives_a_zero_baseline() -> None:
     assert ratio(5, 0) == 5.0
     assert ratio(10, 5) == 1.0
+
+
+def test_a_record_that_lands_on_a_funny_number_carries_its_marker(store: Store) -> None:
+    """The count is what is funny; the marker rides on it wherever the day's notice prints it."""
+    wrote(store, "2026-09-01", ALA, 69)
+    wrote(store, "2026-09-02", ALA, 2137)
+    found = curiosities.personal_record(facts_for(store, "2026-09-02"))
+    assert found is not None
+    assert "Ala 2137 🙏 — rekord życiowy (poprzedni 69 (nice), 1 września)" in found.text

tests/test_stats_render_day.py

@@ -120,3 +120,11 @@ def test_a_custom_heading_replaces_the_date() -> None:
     day = rows([("kuhy", 1, 0)])
     rendered = render_day("2026-09-01", day, day_totals(day), DayView(heading="Dziś, na razie"))
     assert rendered.startswith("Dziś, na razie\n")
+
+
+def test_a_funny_count_is_marked_on_the_person_and_the_total_but_not_the_photos() -> None:
+    """The (N 📷) aside stays bare; 67 photos is a count too, but marking it doubles the noise."""
+    day = rows([("Ala", 69, 67), ("kuhy", 2, 0)])
+    rendered = render_day("2026-09-01", day, day_totals(day))
+    assert "👑 Ala — 69 (nice) (67 📷)" in rendered
+    assert rendered.startswith("📊 Wtorek, 1 września — 71 wiadomości (67 📷)")

tests/test_stats_render_period.py

@@ -127,3 +127,27 @@ def test_me_reports_everything_it_does_know() -> None:
     assert "Rekord życiowy: 12 (1 września)" in rendered
     assert "Najczęściej piszesz między 23:00 a 00:00" in rendered
     assert "Korona: 2 dni z rzędu" in rendered
+
+
+def test_funny_counts_are_marked_wherever_a_count_is_printed() -> None:
+    """The number carries its marker in a row, a record and the me block alike.
+
+    Shares are left alone: the 69% here is the rounding of 2137 / 3106, not
+    something anybody did.
+    """
+    period = render_period(WEEK, rows([("Ala", 2137), ("kuhy", 969)]), Trend(0, 0))
+    assert "Ala — 2137 🙏  " in period
+    assert "3106 wiadomości" in period
+    assert "69%" in period
+    assert "69 (nice)%" not in period
+
+    records = render_records(
+        {"2026-09-01": 420}, None, None, [("Ala", DayRecord("2026-09-01", 1410))]
+    )
+    assert "Najwięcej w jeden dzień: 420 🌿 wiadomości" in records
+    assert "Ala — 1410 ⚔️ (1 września)" in records
+
+    me = render_me("kuhy", 1916, DayRecord("2026-09-01", 314), 40, None, 67)
+    assert "kuhy — 1916 🇵🇱 wiadomości w historii" in me
+    assert "Rekord życiowy: 314 🥧 (1 września)" in me
+    assert "Korona: 67 🤷 dni z rzędu" in me

tests/test_stats_text.py

@@ -58,3 +58,34 @@ def test_people_agree(count: int, expected: str) -> None:
 @pytest.mark.parametrize(("count", "expected"), [(1, "1 dzień"), (2, "2 dni"), (9, "9 dni")])
 def test_days_agree(count: int, expected: str) -> None:
     assert text.days(count) == expected
+
+
+@pytest.mark.parametrize(
+    ("count", "expected"),
+    [
+        (67, "67 🤷"),
+        (69, "69 (nice)"),
+        (314, "314 🥧"),
+        (420, "420 🌿"),
+        (1410, "1410 ⚔️"),
+        (1916, "1916 🇵🇱"),
+        (2137, "2137 🙏"),
+        (68, "68"),
+        (0, "0"),
+        (21370, "21370"),
+    ],
+)
+def test_the_numbers_the_group_reacts_to_carry_their_marker(count: int, expected: str) -> None:
+    assert text.marked(count) == expected
+
+
+def test_the_marker_sticks_to_the_number_in_front_of_its_noun() -> None:
+    assert text.messages(69) == "69 (nice) wiadomości"
+    assert text.commands(2137) == "2137 🙏 komend"
+    assert text.people(67) == "67 🤷 osób"
+    assert text.days(1410) == "1410 ⚔️ dni"
+
+
+def test_an_average_is_not_a_count_and_stays_bare() -> None:
+    """ "średnio 69 znaków" is a mean: nobody wrote it, so nothing is marked."""
+    assert text.characters(69) == "69 znaków"